Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
