apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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