No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
