I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
