a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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