i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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