She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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