So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
