On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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