I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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