That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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