gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
