Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drunk is not a location!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
