I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
