I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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