Cold hands, warm shart.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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