OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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