just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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