Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
