Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
