If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There r osticjed everywhere
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
