Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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