He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
