The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
