so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
