I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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