i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
