I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
