you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
