24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
