I skipped work to stalk him.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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