Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
