YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
