I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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