I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
