Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
