He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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