My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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