His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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