My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
