8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
