I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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