I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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