Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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