Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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