my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
