i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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