There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
