no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
