the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
