new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
